I Done Wrote a Book

Like always I try to blog regularly and like always I mysteriously disappear for a month. This time I took a month and a half off or so writing a book. It's a collection of ridiculously profane essays, rantings, stories, and thoughts about video games. I've always wanted to write a book, so one day in August I just started writing about how much I love Contra with a whole bunch of dick jokes thrown in, and it got good to me, so I wrote 72,000 words of vulgar comedic video game commentary, featuring such hard-hitting material as an imaginary roundtable discussion between me, Gordon Freeman from Half-Life, the guy from Grand Theft Auto III, and Crono from Chrono Trigger, a ludicrous line of logic that basically asserts that the National Spelling Bee gets kids raped, and a streamlined walk through the entire history of video games, told from the perspective of a drunk, cursing college professor. After two minutes of work on MS Paint, I made a mockup of the book's cover, along with the unveiling of the title.

AND A DRUMROLL PLEASE

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ZOMG! That's my real name! Anyways, I'm really proud of how the book turned out, and I think it's pretty hilarious throughout. I'm currently in the process of tracking down literary agents and trying to get them to represent my book. Whether you knew it or not, I've already posted a chapter from the book on this blog. Check it out here. Read it, and if you'd like to see more, start going crazy on the internet, referring people back here and getting a buzz going for it.

I've already scored a couple rejection letters, and they both made it very clear that while it's an intriguing concept for a book and the sample chapters I sent were pretty funny, nobody really gives a shit because I'm not a very well-known guy, so the whole thing is a bit tough to sell. Let's all give people boners with anticipation. Or if you didn't like the Metal Gear Solid chapter, don't contribute. Also, fuck you.

Once or twice a week I'll be posting excerpts from the book onto this blog to give you an idea of what to expect. On the day that this thing gets published and sales literally reach FOUR figures, you'll be able to tell them all that you saw it first.