What up, y'all? It's me, Beyonce! I hope you're enjoying my new hit song "If I were a Boy." It's a song about putting myself in the other side's shoes and how I'd do things different. It's about how if I were a male and I had a truly special woman, I'd always appreciate her, hold her tight, never let her go, and always be there for her. Shut up, there's nothing lezzed out about that!
Anyway, I had a lot more to say about what I'd do if I were a boy, but my record label cut the track down to 4:08. I'd like to take the opportunity now to share with you the lost verses that the damn suits tried to keep from you.
If I were a boy,
I'll tell you what's what,
I'd bend my wiener back really far
to see if it'd fit in my butt
Actually, that's all they cut out. I was thinking about writing a whole bunch of stuff about experiencing societal gender double standards from the other side and gaining more perspective about the ways of the world than I could ever know, but all I really want to know is if a penis is long enough to bend backward into the butt. I tried to get a guy to do it for me once in high school, but he was all like "Bitch, you crazy!" and I've kept it to myself since then. So that's what's going on with me. I'm sure you've got your own problems. Move along.
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