Moldy Bagels: Episode 3 (Part One)

I made this episode a long time ago. I actually just finished episode 5, but I swore I'd get around to posting this to the blog eventually. Here's part one of three:

I wrote the cold open because I really wanted to include my amazing talent for spinning trays on my finger in the show. A long time ago I was working at the restaurant on an extremely dead Sunday. I got about one table an hour that day. The day essentially boiled down to killing time, which I can't fucking stand, so I went to the backroom and decided to practice spinning a tray on my finger until I mastered it, because I view any extended period of time in which I haven't learned or gained something as a grievous waste of the limited time we have on this planet. It's a skill that takes all of 20 minutes to learn, but most people are extremely impressed when they see me do it, so I act like it takes years to figure out. Am I a wonderful guy who doesn't want to ruin their illusion, or am I a pathetic, attention-starved asspipe who desperately seeks praise for my tragically ordinary skill set? You be the judge.

If you've seen my CrapStickDoodle cartoons you've already seen the Crash sketch. It's definitely one of my favorite cartoons and I think it's worth watching a second time. As for the Snake Under Fire sketch, I find it more or less unbearable to watch because my greenscreen effects are so terrible. Me and the boxes are bouncing all over the place while the background stays put. For a while I thought it was because the floor in my house is uneven and shifting my weight causes the camera to move. It wasn't until last month that I figured out that my camera's default Steady Shot option makes the camera move automatically to follow me as I shift my body. I've since fixed that problem and now the subject and background stay put. Now I only have to worry about my shitty lighting, acting, and writing.

I originally planned the mailbag to be a feature in every episode, but I had to abandon that for two reasons: First, I tend to turn a single comment into an entire meandering 3 to 5-minute comedy bit. Multiply that figure by three and you have a show that's 70% responding to things people are saying about me, and only 30% actual content. The Colbert Report already has the market cornered on that type of ratio, so I'm hoping to avoid all that.