You can begin by sucking my black ass, fuckosWow, it only took me one sentence to completely fly off the rails this post. Did I mention that I'm writing this blog post drunk? I didn't? Well, I apologize in advance. Anyway, games that truly succeed in being funny are few and far between. Most games wisely avoid humor for the most part because so few have done it well and when games try and fail the result is catastrophic. When every three minutes of a gaming experience is punctuated with a lame joke, an otherwise good game becomes barely tolerable and an otherwise mediocre game becomes a blistering torture session. I’ve compiled a list of some of the worst offenders in the history of gaming, but I’ll begin with some honorable mentions that just weren’t quite shitty enough to make the cut.
Honorable Mentions:
Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude (PS2, PC)
When I was doing research for this post, I wanted to include this game because a back issue of EGM I found declared this game one of the most poorly made, unfunny games ever produced. I began some extensive research on this game (read: searched for clips on Youtube) and the first video I found was a completely hilariously graphic scene of a woman fucking a guy dressed up in a tree stump costume. (Or is he a torch? Fuck, I can't tell) If the rest of the game maintains that level of humor I'm sure it gets tiresome and grating after about 10 minutes, but I laughed my ass off way too much for it to make the final list.Well, at least I thought it was funny
Friends: The One With All The Trivia (PS2) 
Every moment spent playing this game is undoubtedly humorless misery for even the most average human, but this list is for games that promise hilarity and fail miserably, while this one delivers pretty much exactly what you would expect. If you're a person with even a sentient thought in your brain and you were disappointed to find a lack of humor in a Friends trivia game, that's really your own fucking fault. You might as well be complaining that a Teletubbies marathon on PBS didn't offer any good jerking off content.Postal 2 (PC)
Decapitating and setting fire to random civilians, ironic in-jokes about the gaming industry, and the litany of penis and butt jokes is funny for a half hour until you realize that you can get all of the exact same shit from the newest Grand Theft Auto game and *gasp* a decent story and fun game to go along with it.That about wraps it up for the honorable mentions. They all fail in their own special way, but as you'll soon see, they simply don't fail hard enough to belong with these video game equivalents of jokes about airplane food. These games will give you a newfound appreciation for the Steve Harvey Show and all three direct-to-DVD American Pie sequels.
5. Gex: Enter the Gecko and Gex 3: Deep Cover Gecko (PSX, N64)
These games are so similar and so equally egregious in their effort to cram "attitude" and "irreverence" down our throats that they're sharing a spot. Comedian Dana Gould (who actually is funny as a stand-up comic) voices this little bastard who takes us through a Mario 64 ripoff, making awful Austin Powers impressions and shouting the catchphrase, "It's tail time!" as often as humanly possible along the way. When the jokes aren't startlingly lame (Upon walking into a mansion Gex remarks, "This place is bigger than Drew Carey's bar tab"), they're obscure enough to alienate 99.7% of the audience (In an ice level, which, by the way, is a very innovative and unexpected choice for a 3D platformer, Gex says to no one in particular, "This place is colder than Eva Gabor's wig fridge. What?!?!?).
This is Eva Gabor. If you were about 65 years older you'd find jokes at her expense hilariousMaybe I'm wrong and retardedly obscure references to Eva Gabor's wig fridge makes the 0.3% of the audience who gets the joke laugh so hard that it's worth confusing the shit out of everybody else. I had to look up Eva Gabor on IMDB to find out that she was on Green Acres and I still don't know what the hell a wig fridge is, but I'm reminded of a guy from my fraternity in college I would watch TV with. We were watching the Britney Spears episode of South Park and a character made an obscure offhand reference to "The Lottery," the short story by Shirley Jackson. He laughed inappropriately hard at the joke, and laughed so long and loud that he drowned out the next thirty seconds of the show, and then said, "Oh, man, that was great! Did anyone else get that?"
Based on that evidence, I think being the only person in the room who gets a joke makes you think it's about 50 times funnier than it really is. Being that one asshole who gets the joke and feels completely superior to everyone else in the room means you have to make a huge, loud show out of the fact that you and only you are well-read and brilliant enough to understand it. Maybe, just maybe, those one in 300 people who laugh until they piss themselves at Gex's joke and then say, "Eva Gabor was on Green Acres and she had some connection with wigs! Did any of you get that?" is worth the confusion of the other 299 people. Perhaps I've misjudged this type of humor and I've selfishly overlooked the tiny piece of the population that strongly appreciates it. After all, do they not deserve humor tailored to them as well? I feel horrible for marginalizing them just because they're in the minority.
Just kidding. Fuck Gex and his stupid jokes, and fuck people who make a huge deal out of understanding an obscure joke. You read something most people your age haven't, we're so proud of you. Get fucked.
4. BMX XXX (PS2, Xbox, Gamecube)
This game was originally supposed to be the next game in the semi-popular Dave Mirra BMX line of games, but it became simply BMX XXX when Mirra sued to have his name taken off the game. Look, extreme sports athletes like Dave Mirra aren't exactly bastions of anti-advertising integrity. These guys take part in official competitions with dotcoms printed on the tires of their bikes, T-Mobile plastered on the sides of their helmets, and the Slim Jim logo clearly visible on their gloves. Honestly I wouldn't be surprised if Dave Mirra took a shit and had the Monster Energy Drink logo plastered onto the turd. When that guy says that he has too much integrity to make money from this game, it should be taken as a pretty good sign that you should have quit while you were ahead and not bothered making it at all.BMX XXX addresses the literally dozens of gamers who played a BMX game and were disappointed by the lack of footage of strippers, the ability to create topless riders wearing only panties, and poorly animated sprites of dogs humping. This game finally has those poor, friendless souls covered. On top of this "edgy," "hilarious," and "controversial" material, there are also wacky jokes involving a street vendor shouting, "Hot, salty nuts!" and a firefighter holding a flaccid fire hose asking for your help because he can't "get it up."
Pictured: HilarityUsing the same word to describe objection to animated boobs and childish dick jokes as you would to describe objection to these movies is an insult to the word. Let's just call it a lazy attempt to sell copies of a crappy BMX game and move on.
One of these things is thought provoking and actually deserves to bear the label of "controversial". Can you guess which one?3. Boogerman (Genesis, SNES)
I don't think I need to waste space telling you why Boogerman fails so horribly. It's a game about a superhero who fights enemies by pulling boogers out of his nose and throwing them at enemies, and he also farts on them. If you thought that maybe the game was actually good and the fart and snot jokes were just added as icing on the cake, the fact that there is a button whose only function is to make your hero smile, point his finger in the air and shout, "Booger!" should make it pretty clear that this game was invented as an excuse to provide jokes that make Cheaper by the Dozen look intellectual by comparison. Add in such hilarious character names as "Dr. Stinkbaum" and a game world called "Dimension X-crement" and you have all the evidence you need to understand why Boogerman 3D: Return to Indian-Crap-olis isn't currently in the works for the Playstation 3.2. Earthworm Jim 2 (PSX, SNES, Genesis, SAT, GBA)
Back in 1995 when this game came out you might have heard a lot of adjectives to describe this game, such as "hilarious," "wacky," and "imaginative." Those people are fucking morons. I played through Earthworm Jim 2 and beat it right before writing this post, and each new gimmick that I was supposed to be finding imaginatively hilarious only succeeded in pissing me off more and more.Here are some of the delightful jokes and situations you'll find in this game:
1. You fight musket-wielding octopi and launch pigs out of a catapult-like device
2. You ride a chair on a conveyor belt while grandmothers fall out of the sky and try to land in your lap
3. An evil humanoid crow throws puppies toward the ground and you have to rescue them by bouncing them on a large marshmallow to safety.
4. Traverse the inside of intestines disguised as a blind cave salamander while avoiding exploding sheep
5. Fight murderous penguins with super powers and floating possessed cow udders while traversing a planet filled with enormous bathtubs and cows that grow out of flowers.
That's not fucking funny. That isn't inspired hilarity, that's taking a random bunch of nouns, eating them, then barfing them out. It takes the randomness of a Family Guy joke and eliminates the references to celebrities, pop culture, and news events that make them funny. It sounds like the process for coming up with a level in an Earthworm Jim game is roughly the same as coming up with Beck lyrics. Acutally, that gives me an idea! I'll bet you could turn Beck lyrics into a level that sounds like it could completely belong in an Earthworm Jim game.
Lyrics from "Loser" by Beck:
With the plastic eyeballs, spray paint the vegetables
Dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
Idea for a level in the (not really) upcoming Earthworm Jim 3:
Jim must go to Dr. Dogfood's garden and spraypaint all of his vegetables in order to make it out alive. He can only find the spray paint in specific bathroom stalls. Uh oh, watch out Jim! Eyeballs made of plastic are going to be floating around and trying to whip you to death with pantyhose made of beefcake the whole time!
Tell me that doesn't sound exactly like a hilariously imaginative Earthworm Jim level. And that was the result of literally 30 seconds of brainstorming. Fuck writing, I should join up with Beck so we can make games together.
This man may have moonlit as a video game designer in the 1990's
In this game you answer extremely easy multiple choice trivia questions, and then watch a video of that same question being asked to a dumb drunk slut on spring break by a completely hilarious host who's the "king" of getting girls on spring break to go wild and guess if she'll get it right or wrong. If you look at the picture above you'll see that the hilarious host looks exactly like an insomniac monkey, and what ungodly hot young woman wouldn't get naked at his request? After each round you're given a meter showing how well you do. If the meter fills all the way, you get to see actual real-life boobs! Oh, and did I mention that the meter is shaped like and squirts like a penis? I didn't? Well shit, it totally happens and it's totally clownin'.I could write for hours and hours about how this is a bigger waste of time than any Girls Gone Wild video and how playing the game and earning a chance to see a girl flash her boobs is pointless when Google is all you need to see actual boobs almost instantly (my Google search for “boobs” found 59,600,000 results in 0.09 seconds), but this post is about how the game isn't funny, so I'll tell you all you need to know: any comedian with the talent and potential to have a good career would keep his ass far, far away from a video game about seeing boobs. Not even talented comedians forced to play bit parts in Dane Cook vehicles would want the offer to star in this game. No, the funniest thing about this game is that the people who made it were sued by one of the girls featured because she was only 17 at the time of taping. When the funniest thing about a game is that it invited masturbation to underage girls, you know to stay away.
If the Jay Leno show is any indication, pedophilia is hilarious, but only when this man does it
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