Ayo Technology

[50 Cent grabs his cell phone and dials a number]

50: Ayo Technology!



Technology: Fiddy, what's up?

50: Ayo Technology, I just got to say I think you been advancin' at a much too rapid rate 'n shit.

Technology: What are you talking about?

50: It's some scurry shit up in here. Mothafucka, have you ever heard of Big Brother?

Technology: I'm familiar with the idea.

50: Man, the government is gonna have it so that they can watch you like all the time.

Technology: Don't you think you're being a bit paranoid?

50: Man, I'm like FUCK THAT SHIT! Yo government motherfuckers, if you're listening, I just wanna say fuck you and quit gettin' in my shit. Man, they're gonna be watching me in the shower. I don't want no gay-ass government checkin' out my dick.

Technology: I don't think the government wants to check out your dick.

50: I'll bet the government ain't even got a camera that can get my whole dick in the frame. You gonna need some fuckin' IMAX widescreen shit if you wanna catch the whole scope of Little Fiddy.

Technology: I'm really not comfortable with this conversation. Why did you call me?

50: Here's the deal: I don't want no more technology. None of it.

Technology: You want all technology to disappear. How will people do anything?

50: Man, I want everything to go back to caveman times. You want money to go to McDonald's you're gonna have to stab it outta somebody with some type of primitive Mesozoic era huntin' tool or a big rock or some shit.

Technology: If there was no technology there wouldn't be any McDonald's to eat. Aside from that, are you saying that you want all of the amazing medical advances of recent years to completely disappear too?

50: THE FUCK YOU THINK I NEED MEDIAL TECHNOLOGY FO'? I'M BULLETPROOF, NIGGA! THEY EVEN NAMED A VIDEO GAME AFTER IT!!! I SURVIVED GETTIN' SHOT 8 TIMES!! AFTER THEY GET RID OF ALL TECHNOLOGY EVERYBODY GONNA HAVE TO PLAY MY GAME TO KNOW HOW BULLETPROOF I AM!!


Technology: Do I even have to tell you that there would be no Playstation 2 if there was no technology? Aside from that, the reason you survived getting shot so many times was because of medical technology.

50: BULLETPROOF, MOTHERFUCKA!!!! BULLETPROOF!!!!!!

Technology: Fiddy, I'm an intangible concept. Are you really suggesting that I just completely stop existing?

50: It's about fuckin' time you start speakin' my language. I want you and every human advancement you've ever ushered in to get the fuck out. I want the world to return to the time of 10,000 BC where sabre-toothed tigers was up in everybody's shit and the cave people were out buttfuckin' each other all the time and ain't nobody cared. Are you gonna help me or not?

[Technology considers its options for a minute]

Technology: I'll do it if you give me a really awesome piece of bling.

50: Name it.

Technology: I want a diamond and emerald encrusted skull of a deceased former U.S. President.

50: Which one?

Technology: Grant

50: Sheeee-it bitch, that's only gonna leave me with Zachary Taylor, Franklin Pierce, and Martin Van Buren. What ho's gonna want to fuck me 'cause I got the blinged out skull of Martin Van Buren?

Technology: Fiddy, a deal's a deal

50: Fine.

[50 hands over the skull]

Technology: Later

50: Later

[All technology, and more importantly, the Ron Mexico Productions blog, abruptly disappear]