Crapstick Doodle: Episode 12

You know the drill. I post a cartoon and I say ten things about it. Don't shit me and pretend you don't know.

1. With this video I tried taking these cartoons in a very different direction. I've enjoyed making all of the videos, but I don't think the characters and the overall situations were moving in a direction that I wanted them to. I wanted the characters to naturally grow and become more hilarious as more is revealed about them, but things had become stagnant and predictable, and trying to keep up some sort of narrative and establishing a universe made my comedy kind of boring, so I decided to make something insane and outside of the previous narrative so that I could be as ridiculous as I want, and to cleanse the palate.

2. In keeping with the theme of changing things up, I did away with the title screens this time, and there's a very good chance they'll be gone for good. They don't really add to the videos, other than possibly getting someone important to see my real name. The idea behind the titles was to give the series a sort of distinct opening credits sequence like a TV show, but I think it just makes them longer than they need to be, and it hurts a video's chances of going viral because it will only confuse someone who sees one for the first time.

3. I don't know why the fuck that picture of hot mostly naked Brendan Fraser exists, but it was amazing and I had to use it for this video. You can't tell from this video, but in the original picture he's dressed up as an ungodly sexy and seductive sea god beckoning to you, and on the side a caption reads, "Adonis Calling: The Sexiest Immortal Alive." The innate hilarity of the picture is only enhanced by the redundancy of the caption, because if makes a point of the immortal being alive. If they were fucking dead they wouldn't be an immortal.

4. I know that isn't really a picture of Don Cheadle. I searched for an equally hilarious picture of Don Cheadle but couldn't find anything. Dignified, talented black men ruin everything, apparently. I was in despair that I couldn't find a funny picture of him because if I couldn't it meant I would have had to re-record dialog, and then I had a brainstorm to include an iconic picture of a black man who obviously isn't Don Cheadle, because thinking they all look like is racist, and I find most instances of racism (except for the ones where people get killed) hilarious.

5. This is actually a video adaptation of a project I made for my beginning audio class in college.

6. I thought making a video that makes fun of Crash would be dated since the Oscar win was four years ago. Then, I saw an article which states that Crash, despite being a semi-old movie, is still the number one most requested movie on Netflix. I was simultaneously glad that my video is still somehow relevant, and repulsed that people are still beating down the doors to see this piece of shit.

7. Actually, I take that back. My disgust with that fucking horrible movie, my hatred for any stupid white asshole who calls this turdswish a powerful treatise on race, and my indignant shock that this bag of horse semen would be nominated for Best Picture, let alone win the fucking award, in a move that almost makes Rocky winning Best Picture over Taxi Driver look fucking sensible by comparison, completely and totally sinks even the tiniest bit of happiness I could take in knowing that my video is somewhat relevant.

8. FUCK CRASH AND FUCK PAUL HAGGIS IN HIS WHITE CANADIAN ASS!!! YOU KNOW WHO I TURN TO WHEN I WANT POWERFUL AND INSIGHTFUL STATEMENTS ON RACE RELATIONS IN DENSELY POPULATED URBAN AREAS OF AMERICA? FUCKING WHITE CANADIANS, THAT'S WHO!!!!

9. If you're a movie buff, you know that the music used in this video is the music that plays on the mall speakers in the original Dawn of the Dead. What you might not have noticed is the track that I use actually has the faint sound of zombies moaning on it. If you listen closely in my video there are a couple points where you can hear it. If you're a movie buff you also know that Crash is worse than AIDS.

10. I hope an asteroid hits Paul Haggis in the balls.