Miss Scarlett - Now she's Denise Scarlett, a young hippie activist who now goes only by the new name of Furious Rose
As a relatively normal high school student in Topeka, Denise Scarlett was always a hungry overachiever whose main driving force was the one-upmanship of her peers. When she heard that a friend's report on the King Cobra was 5,000 words, she saw to it that her report on Sea Otters was 5,500 words. When the school's quiz bowl team made the state semifinals, she tried out for and won the Jeopardy Teen Tournament. When rumors surfaced that Tiffany DiMarco made out with the science teacher after school, Denise marched straight to the administrative office and engaged the assistant principal in hard animalistic fucking during sixth period.
Her desire to outdo her friends never left her. After graduating from college in 2008, she and her friends found a job market with no fucking jobs to speak of. Most of her friends found low-paying menial jobs to tide them over until the job market picks back up. After listening to friends swap stories about how poor they are, with their avalanche of student loans and $350 a week pay, Denise knew she had to one-up them all and out-poor them by destroying all of her possessions and joining a hippie commune. She assumed the new name Furious Rose and immediately swore off personal hygiene.
Despite being a part of a community that favors peace and love and emphasizes being happy with what you have, Furious Rose's overcompetitive spirit remained as strong as ever. After overhearing a regular LSD user brag about how hardcore he is, she out-hardcored her foe by mixing together a cocktail of Drano, PCP, four unidentifiable industrial solvents, some RC Cola, and heroin-spiked battery acid. When someone asked her if she was really going to drink it she replied, "Of course not! Drinking all of that stuff would be ridiculous. Only a pansy would drink it. I'm so hardcore I'm going to ingest it vaginally!"
The other hippies would fight one ridiculous cause after another, and overreact in an increasingly silly manner. First they protested completely safe genetically engineered crops that could feed billions. Then they dumped red paint on a woman wearing synthetic fur. Then they attended Live Earth because Ludacris flying in on a jet to perform Move Bitch, Get Out The Way somehow helped fight global warming.
Furious Rose knew she had no choice but to out-stupid them in order to top them all. She succeeded by shooting a sunflower seed entrepreneur three times in the head, and setting fire to his entire field. At the scene of the crime she left a series of video tapes in which she passionately condemns the act of selling sunflower seeds that could have grown up to be beautiful sunflowers as no better than abortion. Authorities quickly found and arrested her and she was sentenced to 40 years in prison. Activist groups everywhere are protesting for her release.
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