Facebook Fighting

I recently made Facebook friends with a couple who has a penchant for fighting on their respective walls for everyone to see. Instead of fighting in the comfort of their own homes or at least in private messages, they made their disagreements as public and detailed as humanly possible. Obviously I don't need to tell you that this type of behavior is completely fucking insane. I showed the public fights to my friends from work, and the experience inspired a work friend and I to stage a fake fight for our own personal amusement and to combat boredom. This was the result:

Me: You've got a lot of fucking nerve. And don't give me that bullshit where you act like you don't know what I'm talking about. I don't have the fucking patience for that shit.

Me: Are you going to sit there and say nothing like a little scrotum licking bitch?

Friend: I can't be sitting at facebook constantly watching for people to log on like you do. if you got a life of your own maybe what i do with mine wouldnt be so much of a problem to you.

Me: Oh, okay. Apparently eating pretzels, drinking beer, and jacking it to reruns of Charmed 9 hours a day counts as having a life.

Friend: you left those charmed dvds at my place months ago, i offered to give them back to you, but you said i could keep em. what i do with them now is my own fucking business.

Me: I also left a sandwich at your place. Are you going to start jacking off to that too?

Friend: yeah, sure, im gonna jack off to a fucking sandwich. fuck you and your fucking holier than thou sandwich, alright? im just so sick of you acting like you know how i should live my god damn life.

Me: You can live your life however the fuck you want. You can join the circus and wipe up elephant shit for all I care. Just leave my mom out of it.

Friend: we've been over this. that was only the one time and it was before i met you. how the fuck was i supposed to know your dad had just died the week before? It's not my fucking fault that (my mom's name) was looking for a good grief-fuck and fell in love.

Me: I didn't know you at the time, but I sure as fuck got to know you a lot better when you sent me a copy of the tape.

Friend: well why dont you just grow the fuck up and move out of your moms fucking house and stop opening her mail?

Me: I open her mail because I want to use the free perfume samples she gets from Avon. I want to smell nice. Pardon the fuck out of me.

Me: Oh, but getting back to the topic, I'm still totally mad about the whole sex with my mom thing.

Friend: and for the love of god, stop blowing up my fucking phone.

Me: Whatever. I'll have you know that I am moving out of mom's house because she's so pissy all the time and I can't stand being here anymore. Maybe if you were better at having sex with her she'd be in a better mood.

Friend: your mom loved it. she's pissy all the time cause i stopped having sex with her out of respect for our fucking friendship, but maybe now that youre gonna be an asshole about this shit, ill start again. then you can call me "dad."

Me: I'm out of places to take this pretend argument. You win.

Other friend who saw this on her news feed: well, that was weird...