Tom Raper: A True American Hero

In the midwest there lives a legend of sorts. A man who lives life by his own code. Some of us call him the last true Cowboy in the great expanse of the North American continent. He didn't let something like one of the worst fucking last names in the history of names stop him from living the American dream. That man is Tom Raper.


As far as I know Tom Raper is a successful and respected salesman of trailers, RV, and homes. He probably works hard day and night to sell vehicles to provide pretty dresses for his beautiful wife, Mulva Raper. I'll bet he slaves at the sales offices so he can pay for his daughter's clarinet lessons. She clearly doesn't have any natural talent and she'll never play Carnegie Hall, but he doesn't have the heart to tell little Virginia Raper to give up on her dreams. His blood and sweat paid for young Richard Raper's Xbox 360. He provides an important service to the community by offering recreational vehicles and homes at competitive prices. I'm sure Tom Raper is a hell of a guy and he's heard cheap potshots at his last name his whole life. Only a hack comedian would make fun of Tom Raper. I should say no. Unfortunately, when it comes to Tom Raper, no means yes. So here we go.

REJECTED ADVERTISING SLOGANS FOR TOM RAPER'S BUSINESSES

-Tom Raper RVs: We'll Force Savings Upon You
-Need a secluded cabin in the woods 50 miles away from civilization? Tom Raper Homes as you covered!
-We help our customers. Tom Raper will always be right behind you.
-Our customer service is so top-notch, nobody will believe you when you tell them about the experience!
-Need help getting a trailer hitched? Tom Raper will stick it to the back!
-You could pay for three months of counseling sessions with the money you'll save over our competitors.
-At Tom Raper RVs we knock out the competition! We're the Mike Tyson of recreational vehicle dealers!