Monday, June 7, 2010

Legal Prostitution


This is a prostitute. She is engaging in the illegal act of prostitution, which is the practice where one pays another money for sex. I could write a long essay about how two adults having consensual sex being illegal in an allegedly free country is a crock of shit, and I could espouse all of the benefits that legalized and regulated prostitution would bring (more tax revenue, reduced spread of STDs, etc.), but much like arguments for the legalization of pot, there's really nothing new or interesting that anyone can bring to the discussion by this point, so I'll leave that one alone.

Since we're unfortunately operating in a world where prostitution is illegal, I want to share this idea I had once for a prostitution service that I think I could run legally. Imagine this scenario: You walk into a store that sells cheaply made cat figurines. Despite the shoddy workmanship, the store sells them for $200 a pop. After buying one, a woman comes up to you on the way back to the car, tells you that she loves a man who's into ceramic cats and asks if she can go to your place. Then she fucks your brains out while wearing a cowboy hat.

To the rest of the world, this is nothing but a store that sells oddly overpriced cat figurines, and a bunch of crazy women hang out near the store and have sex with all of the customers. Nobody is being paid directly for sex here. There's nothing illegal about selling cat figurines at an extremely high price, and there's certainly nothing illegal about hitting on a guy and having sex with him at his place.

You know what? I'm going to say it: I have invented a motherfucking legally bulletproof prostitution business. Actually, I'm pretty sure this doesn't work at all and there's some law or something that would get me almost immediately convicted if I tried this, and I'm just too stupid and ignorant to know what it is. Somebody e-mail me at RonMexicoProductions@gmail.com to explain how I'd get busted because I'm genuinely curious.

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