Hi, I'm the guy who writes this blog, makes sketch comedy, writes essays, and works a long string of one demeaning, low-paying food service job after another. I am the Gentile Golem of Ron Mexico Productions, and I come to you with a one of a kind offer: If you hire me to do so at any time in the year 2009 I will fuck your wife for $5,000.
You might ask yourself why you would ever agree to that. The answer is simple: I am your best chance of getting her pregnant. Please send me an e-mail if your boys can't swim. Since you're undoubtedly seriously considering this offer, I've done the work for you of listing the Pros and Cons of hiring me to impregnate your wife:
Pros:
-I am 6'5"
-My SAT score was kinda high
-Small children find me funny
-It barely counts as cheating because I'm bad at sex and probably won't last more than 5 minutes.
-Seriously, it doesn't count as cheating if your wife doesn't even enjoy it
-Neither of us working up a sweat means you don't have to run another load of laundry to clean the sheets!
-I scored 180 on a multiple choice take home IQ test the second time I took it!
-I'm genetically likely to implant an athletically inferior ginger kid inside your wife. Since every shitburg between here and Sacramento has a popular dark-haired kid who's good at football, rest assured your little bundle of joy will be special in his own way
Cons:
-Yesterday at work I found a half finished brownie in the break room and ate it. Afterwards somebody told me that the person who took a bite out of it was a particularly slutty coworker, so I might have herpes.
Send inquiries to RonMexicoProductions@gmail.com!
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