Okay, now I admit I'm from Indiana, which isn't exactly a fucking bastion of cultural diversity and sophistication, but here are just a few local mannerisms and pronunciations that make me hate everyone from this state. It probably won't surprise you to find that almost all of them are related to food, seeing as how that kinda applies to my job.
1. They pronounce "Ranch" like "Wrench." This particular mispronunciation is a lot more difficult than most. For example, a lot of people around here pronounce "hell" like "hay-ull," which isn't a big deal since I can decipher from context clues the meaning of "Why the hay-ull are you fucking my pet dog?" The problem with asking for "Wrench" dressing is that there's this other reddish salad dressing that shares its name with a European nationality that sounds pretty similar.
2. "Promise" is pronounced, "Pamas." Listen to me, you little shits: This isn't fucking Boston where you can just leave out random consonants and change vowel sounds at your leisure.
3. Relish, that stuff you put on hot dogs, is referred to as "Chow Chow." This one is so fucking moronic that no level of snide commentary can do it justice.
4. "Crayons" is pronounced, "Crowns." How in the fuck do you get Crowns out of Crayons? Look at how the goddamn word is spelled. Look at it! One time this little racist asshole asked me if our restaurant has "Crowns." I thought he meant paper crowns like the ones they have at Burger King, so I told him no. Later on, his parents saw children at another table coloring with crayons, and they filed a complaint to my manager because I lied to them.
Suck my cock, Kentucky! Talk normal!
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