Episode 16

Oh dear god, I've actually made a two-parter!

1. Apparently I thought it would be a good idea to take a conflict and premise that wasn't funny enough to sustain one video and stretch it out into a two-parter. Based on my TV viewing experience, this is a first step towards a writing job with Saturday Night Live.

2. I've always been of the opinion that Manute Bol is a failure of a human being. Being a 7'7" athlete with as much range as Tom Cruise's right hook means your only possible recourse for marketing yourself is pointing out hilarious size differences between yourself and others. Manute Bol did a few magazine covers with Muggsy Bogues, and spent the rest of his time doing worthless things like playing basketball, honing his defensive prowess, and fighting for Sudanese freedom. Gheorghe Muresan, on the other hand, immediately realized the moneymaking potential of his hugeness and landed himself a starring role in My Giant opposite Billy Crystal, a hilariously tiny Jew. Because Manute Bol never once considered doing a movie where he pushes Gary Coleman around in a stroller, I have to declare him the unquestioned god of failed potential.

3. I promised my girlfriend I would end this video by making fun of the Buffalo Bills, but then I decided to follow my heart, because although the Bills fucking suck, the Bengals fucking suck exponentially more.

4. This video is frightening realistic. I actually crashed at home last weekend because I came up for a friend's wedding in Chicago. When I got there I saw my dad's laptop (which I allegedly broke) fully repaired and sitting on the dining room table. I was so terrified of touching it that I didn't even push it out of the way to eat breakfast.

5. I was sorta worried about being seen as ripping off Saturday Night Live with the Grape-Nuts joke, but I think I'm probably in the clear since Mike Myers probably wasn't the first person to notice that Grape-Nuts have an inaccurate name either.

6. If you have an Xbox 360, download Splosion Man. You'll thank me.

7. If you don't have an Xbox 360, fucking buy one. You'll thank me.

8. Today I made my exercise bike go 10.4 miles in 30 minutes. I have effectively gone from exercise bike master to exercise bike god.

9. Here are a few of the "Corey touches things and immediately ruins them" jokes that I thought about including but ultimately rejected: Corey touches a porn star's cock and watches in horror as it immediately shrinks to half its size, Corey pats his little sister on the shoulder and watches in horror as she complains that her hymen was just broken, and Corey hugs his grandfather, which immediately kills him.

10. I rejected the first idea because I couldn't think of any logical situation to involve it in the story, I rejected the second because it was too fucked up even for me, and I rejected the third because I don't fucking know how to draw all of that.