Election advice from Mario

This seems to the the first election in a while that people really give a shit about, so it seems like my blog should say something about the first history-making election to feature candidates that are only three fourths white. Unfortunately, I don't give a high-definition fuck about politics, so in keeping with video game week here at the Ron Mexico Productions blog I've brought in video game superstar Mario to sound off.

It's-a-meeeee! Mario!

I always lova to do that introduction! People always ask me, "Mario, who you'sa gonna pick for the election? You lika the old man or the non-threatening negro fella?" I tell them, I don't care about politics, I just want to have fun and eat pizza! Wahoo! I'mma also be there when the Mushroom Kingdom needs me! I'll always fight Bowser and Donkey Kong with my happy-go-lucky can-do spirit! There's never a problem a little positivity and confidence can't overcome! Mario will always be there. I no care about the politics, I only care about doing what I need to do. Leta the politicians do politics.

But then people tell me, "Mario, elections are very important. You gotta vote. It is the most important right that we have as citizens! If you do not makea the vote, you might as well punch Lady Liberty in the eye like a drunken abusive husband. No only that, if you do not makea the vote, you have no right to complain about anything the government does that you disapprove of." They tell me voting is a right that must always be exercised every November.

All of you can sucka my big fat meatballs! What you mean I cannot complain about the government if I do not vote? What if my opinion happen to be that elections offer nothing but homogenized bullshit vanilla kisasses who have compromised their beliefs far too much in the road to get to office to ever have even a semblance of a strong opinion or capacity to make a real change? What if I think that voting exists to give the populace the illusion of a real say in what happens in this country when the truth is that the federal government is an endless cycle of self-masturbatory nonsense that is relatively unaffected by what go on in the outside world? How in the Goomba-stomping fuck could I express that opinion other than not voting?

Mario knows how to change the world. You put on your boots, eat a mushroom, strap on a cape, and you kicka the ass. I get out there and I fixa the shit myself! Mario not so naive as to think that the entire country will suddenly change based on the election of a slightly left wing guy or a slightly right wing guy. I was at a bar during the 2004 election and thesa two gays were watching the election, getting madder and madder everytime they announce that "bigot" George W. Bush wins a state. Does the silly homos think the country transforms into a gay-friendly utopia the moment John Kerry wins the election?

Don'ta you tell me that politics are serious. They is a fucking joke! I know lots of people get very serious about politics and fight about it all the time. Mamma mia! Politics must be serious because it cause so much fighting! Yes, except people also get in the fistfights daily over sports. To Mario, people getting so mad about politics only makes proof that it is sillier than a koopa trying to fuck a blooper! (Koopas are on the land, bloopers are in the water. It is quite a silly mental image!)

Why do you all get mad at the country for the low voter turnout? It is not the fault of the country, it is the fault of the bullshit political system. More and more people know it will nota affect their lives, they know politicans reading scripted answers on debates where they answer nothing is pointless, and they know democracy is an illusion and the political system is a giant, unchanging, disembodied, indifferent monster that only happen to be occupied by different people at different times.

So I say fuck a lot of elections. I have actual important work to do! The world ends in 2012 anyway.